Apartment Life – keeps things interesting.

I haven’t been losing any sleep lately from the paper lady. Only because the fan is on all night right by my head. The landlord put a note on her door that said she needs to park elsewhere (if she’s working) from 10pm-6am. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request. Apparently, she does since she isn’t following the rules. The real test will be Sunday, if that shit wakes us up again, it’s not going to be good.

There are 2 apartments on the top floor of the building, I live in one with my boyfriend, Dallas and this guy,  John,  lives across the way.  If I open my front door, I see his front door.  When we first moved in, our landlord was concerned we might not want the apartment because of John. We already knew John from around town. He rides his bike around yelling obscenities and talking to himself. He scares people. My landlord told us he is the only person on the island that will rent to him. Dallas heard (from one of the delivery drivers at work) that when John was young his dad lit him on fire. He has burns all over his body. We don’t think it’s strange that he’s mad at the world because he’s been given a shitty ass card in life. I say Hi every time I see him on the stairs, he never says anything back.  Once he came to the door and asked if we had any aspirin, I gave him some and figured he would say Hi after that but he didn’t. Sometimes he looks out the window and just talks really loud about strange things and it bothers the neighbors. Interestingly enough, we don’t hear him. I don’t know if it’s because he’s next door or what but I’m glad we don’t hear him.  Anyway, last week Dallas overheard some guy talking to another one of my neighbors, he was saying if he finds out who is dealing drugs to his kid,  he’s gonna kick their ass.  I know a few people in the building sell weed so we were curious who it was.  So today Dallas comes home and tells me he heard that John is selling his prescribed oxycontin. Apparently one of the kids who he sold to is not doing well at all and that’s why the guy who was talking to my neighbor is so angry.  WTH? How did this even happen?  I find it baffling because he is so scary and unapproachable. I try to remember how I was when I was young and do recall some shady ass people we would hang out with for drugs. I hope the guy’s kid recovers.




My friends: Shoulda, Coulda, Woulda

March 18th.

Today’s question of the day: What advice were you given?

When I saw the question I was like, oh great. Just what I need. To be reminded of all the times I should have listened to people who knew what they were talking about. Well, things could be a lot worse and I am lucky to be alive.

I am just going to mention a couple of people I should have listened to and I will also mention people I did listen to.


  • Dad – when I was happier creating mischief and drinking with my friends in the early 80s. YOU should stay in those computer classes! (the ones I dropped out of.) I could be Bill Gates but I am glad I’m not. Another thing he mentioned more than once: YOU should join the service. Why don’t YOU join the air-force? I could have a career and a home, I also could be dead. I have a job and a roof over my head, it works and despite everything, I feel pretty good today. My dad died February the 24th in 2000.
  • Mom – so many things she wanted for me. One of the many is the blog thing. We had such a good time together and towards the end, it was the best of times. I would say hers were more of suggestions. She died May 1, 2014, worst day of my life.
  • Oma – in the early 80s when I was getting tattoos she said they make me look like a pirate and asked me what I thought they would look like when I was an Oma. These days all the young people that are getting tatted, you think they think about what their tattoos will look like in 20 years? Probably not. I now have what are called vintage tattoos. A young adult told me this.  VINTAGE. WTF?
  • A couple of really good friends – don’t bother calling us until YOU aren’t drunk and being an asshole. Best advice ever!

Pic is of my mom and dad back in 1965. This was taken in Wageningen, Holland.

Questions from: Get It Scrapped! Tami Taylor 365 Questions – a five year journal.

Turning my frown upside down.

My motto used to be, “life sucks and then you die”. My goal in life used to be getting on disability so I could just drink and people would leave me alone.  I used to go to different doctors to try to get Valium or Xanax and when that didn’t work, I’d order them online and they’d come from overseas.  One day I remember a pill delivery was coming and I missed the guy at the door (I probably passed out). I found the note on the door, ran out to the street and saw him, I literally ran to catch him. This was towards the end of  a couple decades of drinking alcohol on a daily basis for no other purpose than staying drunk, I guess. I was bitter all the time.

After I quit drinking I felt excited every morning for about two years simply because I was waking up without a headache or spending most of the morning in the bathroom vomiting. I had skip in my step. Then slowly the bitterness came back.  I wasn’t drinking but was angry, I wasn’t happy with my environment.  I lived in Seattle and I am uncomfortable in cold weather and when the sky is grey for weeks at a time, I just am pissed all the time because of the  the weather.  I would wake up, watch the news and the weather report would predict my day. Needless to say usually it was bad.

Now it’s about nine years later and even though I live in Hawaii now,  I really have to work on being positive.  I mean, for me – it’s like a full time job. I think I just realized last year that every thought I’m thinking is very important.  Telling myself I’m stupid for forgetting something is not going to make me smarter. It just makes me feel bad and the universe will give me an invisible dunce cap. If I get into a bad mood for any reason, like a shoelace breaking and think to myself: great, the day is ruined, most likely things will go bad the rest of the day. Once I am in a bad mood it’s so hard to get out but it’s my decision to make the change.  I can do it if I try and if I want to be happy, that’s what I want to be and reflect it on others.