I have and I am. I am sad a lot. I miss my mom and dad. They both died – at different times. I missed a lot of my life because I chose to drink instead of living it. I took antidepressants for a while, I didn’t like what they were doing and was afraid of the long term effects after researching them. Now I use natural supplements and they work most of the time, lately not so much.
It’s difficult. Especially now in a new environment. It’s baffling to me how the weather makes such a difference in my mood. It always has though. Today the sun is out and I feel pretty good. This week it snowed then turning into rain most of the week and it’s cold and I’ve been bitter. I just want to lay on the couch and think about all the things I don’t have. I don’t want to do any of the things that will make me feel better about myself. I think about the past and all the things I have done that are mistakes and why did I move? Every freaking day a battle in my brain. It’s tiring and I don’t like it.
But – Today I feel better and the sun is out for now. I have a job, a place to live, food in my fridge, a positive bank account, a kick-ass man who is also my bff, a heater, a yard that I can grown shit in once it stops freezing, amazing friends and family, cannabis and all the little things I have held on to that make me feel good. Oh, I’m healthy! Another really positive thing is I could keep writing about all the things I have gratitude for today so that’s a really good thing!
Today’s question of the day: What advice were you given?
When I saw the question I was like, oh great. Just what I need. To be reminded of all the times I should have listened to people who knew what they were talking about. Well, things could be a lot worse and I am lucky to be alive.
I am just going to mention a couple of people I should have listened to and I will also mention people I did listen to.
ADVICE GIVEN BY:
- Dad – when I was happier creating mischief and drinking with my friends in the early 80s. YOU should stay in those computer classes! (the ones I dropped out of.) I could be Bill Gates but I am glad I’m not. Another thing he mentioned more than once: YOU should join the service. Why don’t YOU join the air-force? I could have a career and a home, I also could be dead. I have a job and a roof over my head, it works and despite everything, I feel pretty good today. My dad died February the 24th in 2000.
- Mom – so many things she wanted for me. One of the many is the blog thing. We had such a good time together and towards the end, it was the best of times. I would say hers were more of suggestions. She died May 1, 2014, worst day of my life.
- Oma – in the early 80s when I was getting tattoos she said they make me look like a pirate and asked me what I thought they would look like when I was an Oma. These days all the young people that are getting tatted, you think they think about what their tattoos will look like in 20 years? Probably not. I now have what are called vintage tattoos. A young adult told me this. VINTAGE. WTF?
- A couple of really good friends – don’t bother calling us until YOU aren’t drunk and being an asshole. Best advice ever!
Pic is of my mom and dad back in 1965. This was taken in Wageningen, Holland.
Questions from: Get It Scrapped! Tami Taylor 365 Questions – a five year journal.