Bye 2016!

This wasn’t a bad year for me, it wasn’t great. I survived another year, it went by quickly.  I feel like I am still in early 2016. At least I am not alone, a lot of older folks say the same thing. I read the  Scientific American blog about time and it makes sense.

I was shorted on time because I drank a lot. I lost about twenty years and I brought it all on myself.  Major events happened, people died and I had no clue. I quit drinking when I was 42 and it’s been quite interesting since then, probably because I remember!  Every year I feel better so I hope 2017 will continue that way.

I decided to start documenting my journey because it was a suggestion from my beautiful mom, Aaltje. She died May 1st, 2014  at 72 after a 6 year fight with ovarian cancer, worst day of my life.

I like to put things off and I will be working on changing that, it will definitely help with stress & guilty thoughts taking up space in my little brain. Being proactive will also benefit my job, my health and relationships. Writing daily will help with accountability, even if just a few words.

I’m sure a lot of people will be out partying this evening, should be interesting to see and hear fireworks.  They allow fireworks here if you have a permit, I am actually surprised I haven’t heard a lot up to this point.  I park on the street so I am always concerned about random stuff hitting my car.  Be careful everyone, lots of drinking and driving going on out there.

What’s going on with me today?

The sign that points to the police station now says police navidad, haha!! I should have got a photo.

I have been taking Sertraline (Zoloft) for a few years and it’s done what it’s supposed to do (help the real me come out). I was on 100mg and am now down to 50mg.  I did a 25mg taper as suggested by my Dr from 75mg to 50mg, it’s been a week and so far withdrawal symptoms haven’t been as bad as I have read about. Only headaches and some agitation that hasn’t been helped with all this rain. A week and so far so good. I am going to stay on 50mgs for a couple of weeks and then will go to 25mg. Today is actually the first day I haven’t had a headache and I really appreciate that.

I’m cold. It’s probably in the low 70’s but I am in an apartment 3 floors up so that doesn’t help.  It’s been the wettest, coldest winter by far since I’ve lived here.

I had a nice morning, went and did a little shopping and stopped for a nice photo opportunity on the way home.  Oh and Obama is here in my little big town.  We’ve actually had cops at the run-for-your-life cross walk!  They are only here when the President is here, so lame. Screw the pedestrians the rest of the year.

It’s 12/31 so we will be going to get $1.31 ice cream, yay!!

Happy New Year!







Usually I look at Facebook in the morning when I wake up.  Today one of my friends had posted a video that was taken “behind the scenes” of McDonald’s. It was a factory in Frenso where they make all the burgers.  I guess they are doing a Q & A to show what’s in their food.

I don’t eat at McDonald’s anymore unless there is no where else to get coffee or I have to use their bathroom.  I have been vegetarian for about 26 years, except for a short period when I first met my current man. It was the honeymoon phase and he still ate meat so I did too.  I started to get those familiar pains in my chest soon and felt like shit so I stopped eating meat again.  My dad died at 60 of arteriosclerosis, that is another reason why I changed my diet.

After I watched a little of the McDonald’s Q and A, my mind wandered back to the 70’s when my mom would take me to McDonald’s after she got off of work. I’d always get a happy meal and she would get the same but not as the “happy meal” and she’d always get McDonaldland cookies. She loved those ones that were in the box, I don’t think they sell them anymore. She would always finish her fries and try to eat some of mine and I would get so mad.

In 2013 my  mom came to live with me after I had moved to Kailua on the island of Oahu. She now had ovarian cancer, it had come back for the second time and I didn’t want to be away from her but I also didn’t want to move to Seattle where she lived.  I was surprised at how frail she was when she came and I was surprised I had taken this sort of “mom” role with her. I am an only child and never had kids so it’s really interesting to look back and see how I was frantic most of the time.  If she stayed out late and I couldn’t get a hold of her, I’d go out and start looking for her.  I would tell her what she could and couldn’t eat, especially fast food. I hooked her up with this older dude I knew from an AA meeting who was her age and they got along really well.  They’d go to Waikiki together, take the bus up to the North Shore and just hung out so she wasn’t so lonely when I was working.

One day I got home from work and Dallas, my boyfriend, who also just got home told me he just saw my mom and her friend at McDonald’s. I almost lost it but then I was like….what am I doing? I don’t know how long she’ll be with us – she should be having the time of her life – and I started to let go. My mom died on May 1, 2014. She was with me and Dallas, in our little home in Kailua.  Worst day of my life and nothing in the world can hurt me anymore because that was the absolute worst thing that has ever and that will ever happen to me.