SAD and Sad.

I have and I am. I am sad a lot. I miss my mom and dad. They both died – at different times. I missed a lot of my life because I chose to drink instead of living it. I took antidepressants for a while, I didn’t like what they were doing and was afraid of the long term effects after researching them. Now I use natural supplements and they work most of the time, lately not so much.

It’s difficult. Especially now in a new environment. It’s baffling to me how the weather makes such a difference in my mood. It always has though. Today the sun is out and I feel pretty good. This week it snowed then turning into rain most of the week and it’s cold and I’ve been bitter. I just want to lay on the couch and think about all the things I don’t have. I don’t want to do any of the things that will make me feel better about myself. I think about the past and all the things I have done that are mistakes and why did I move? Every freaking day a battle in my brain. It’s tiring and I don’t like it.

But – Today I feel better and the sun is out for now. I have a job, a place to live, food in my fridge, a positive bank account, a kick-ass man who is also my bff, a heater, a yard that I can grown shit in once it stops freezing, amazing friends and family, cannabis and all the little things I have held on to that make me feel good. Oh, I’m healthy! Another really positive thing is I could keep writing about all the things I have gratitude for today so that’s a really good thing!

Leaving Las Vegas! (part 2)

We did it. We saved, we researched, we moved. $2000 and a car full of our most important things. We left Las Vegas at the beginning of April. We are now living in South Lake Tahoe, we have a tiny home in a super cute tiny home community and jobs.

The air is so clean, the water tastes so good and it’s quiet. It is really cold. This morning it was 30 degrees, yesterday we had to scrape snow off of the car. I have never liked the cold but the trade off of feeling safe and just being able to walk down the street and have people say “hi” instead of asking you for money or cigarettes is well worth it to me.

I am so glad that we made the move. People looked at us like we were crazy. Yes, we had good jobs but we were miserable. I see it here, at my current job. Some of the people I work with have lived here and worked at the same place their entire lives. The are a little bitter, to say the least and I am not sure if it’s just because it’s the same shit every day for the last 35 years? I don’t want to be like that. Life is short, if you don’t like something change it.

Our new neighborhood!!!