Zoloft withdrawal complete? Yes. Yay!

I am just looking back at when I wrote last. I started the process of tapering off of Zoloft last year. April 4 was my first day completely off.  May was horrible.  I thought with the year taper it wouldn’t be that bad.  I was so wrong.  I felt like shit most days. I couldn’t jump, run, or hike. I was nauseous all the time. If I moved too quickly, especially my head it was like my brain couldn’t keep up with the movement.  My body hurt and I didn’t think I would ever feel better again.  Thank goodness I do. I started on 25 mg of Zoloft and worked my way up to 150 mg over the course of about 3 years. Then I started my taper, it was about 10% less per month I took.  I started taking Zoloft at the suggestion of my shrink.  I was so sad all the time, couldn’t get out of bed. Thought I was going to die every moment of the day.  Zoloft helped me not feel that way anymore and so far, those feelings haven’t come back.

I told my doctor I was doing the taper so she prescribed Wellbutrin to help with the withdrawal.  Unfuckingbelievable. The bad part is I am taking it so now I want to get off of it as well.  The lame thing is that I am on the extended release pills and I can’t just cut them down to taper.  Apparently, if you cut them in 1/2 they are no longer extended release and that jacks everything up.  So I will be making a trip to the doctor to let her know that was the worst I have felt on a daily basis since I quit drinking. I wonder how much of a kick back they get from the pharmaceutical companies? This time if she suggests something else I will decline.  I am doing pretty good with fish oil and Ashwagandha.  It should be interesting how she recommends I taper off Wellbutrin.

The paper lady has been a lot quieter but she’s still out there every morning and could give no shits about what the landlord says or if she is bothering anyone. It sucks too because our landlord is so nice. This woman once paid her rent in $1 bills and I know her rent is at least $1300.  They have a couple kids living in their studio and they are not in school for some reason.  I saw her coming in the other day, it was still dark but it was about 6 am and she had 2 extra large candy bars in her hand.  I don’t have any kids but I don’t think it’s a good example to set for your grandkids that candy bars are good for breakfast, especially if they are sturdy in the first place.

We decided we’re gonna move. Not because of the neighbors but we’re going back to the mainland.  More of everything over there. If I were 25 years younger living here would be ok but I am not.  I want to be able to drive more than 50 miles to get somewhere. I want to be able to shop online and not see the *we don’t ship to Hawaii or *prices do not apply if you’re in Hawaii.  I want to live somewhere where it’s not so expensive. I can’t save anything and it sucks.  Also, I seem to be complaining a lot lately and it’s because I am unhappy.  Soon it will change.





Apartment Life – keeps things interesting.

I haven’t been losing any sleep lately from the paper lady. Only because the fan is on all night right by my head. The landlord put a note on her door that said she needs to park elsewhere (if she’s working) from 10pm-6am. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request. Apparently, she does since she isn’t following the rules. The real test will be Sunday, if that shit wakes us up again, it’s not going to be good.

There are 2 apartments on the top floor of the building, I live in one with my boyfriend, Dallas and this guy,  John,  lives across the way.  If I open my front door, I see his front door.  When we first moved in, our landlord was concerned we might not want the apartment because of John. We already knew John from around town. He rides his bike around yelling obscenities and talking to himself. He scares people. My landlord told us he is the only person on the island that will rent to him. Dallas heard (from one of the delivery drivers at work) that when John was young his dad lit him on fire. He has burns all over his body. We don’t think it’s strange that he’s mad at the world because he’s been given a shitty ass card in life. I say Hi every time I see him on the stairs, he never says anything back.  Once he came to the door and asked if we had any aspirin, I gave him some and figured he would say Hi after that but he didn’t. Sometimes he looks out the window and just talks really loud about strange things and it bothers the neighbors. Interestingly enough, we don’t hear him. I don’t know if it’s because he’s next door or what but I’m glad we don’t hear him.  Anyway, last week Dallas overheard some guy talking to another one of my neighbors, he was saying if he finds out who is dealing drugs to his kid,  he’s gonna kick their ass.  I know a few people in the building sell weed so we were curious who it was.  So today Dallas comes home and tells me he heard that John is selling his prescribed oxycontin. Apparently one of the kids who he sold to is not doing well at all and that’s why the guy who was talking to my neighbor is so angry.  WTH? How did this even happen?  I find it baffling because he is so scary and unapproachable. I try to remember how I was when I was young and do recall some shady ass people we would hang out with for drugs. I hope the guy’s kid recovers.




Mail Order Mood

It’s unfortunate but true – I enjoy the feeling of Valium and Xanax.  So much so that these days the only way I get to feel that blissful feeling is when I have a procedure that scares me and I request something from my Dr. The last time I had a valium was a few months ago when I was having some dental work done. I cracked up when I picked my prescription up – there was seriously only one tablet in the bottle. I didn’t even know they could prescribe just one. The next time I get to take a Xanax is in a few weeks when I get a colonoscopy, yay!  I don’t know if the Dr. can sense I like these little pills or what – the ass man (colon dr.) only prescribed one Xanax! His reason for picking Xanax instead of Valium is because the effect of Xanax doesn’t last as long as Valium. That was new to me. Bummer.

I used to order Valium and Xanax online.  It was about 14 years ago and I lived in California.  The packages were pretty reliable even though they came all the way from India.  Needless to say, I was taking way too many of those little pills. A few times, days would pass and I would wake up and think it was the same day. I was drinking Smirnoff vodka at the time as well. I am very lucky to be alive. Anyway, I was so addicted to these at the time I would wait for the mail person every day around the time of expected delivery. One day I missed the mail person, he had left a note on the door. I saw him down the street and I literally ran after him, I got my package.