Category: Cannabis

SAD and Sad.

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I have and I am. I am sad a lot. I miss my mom and dad. They both died – at different times. I missed a lot of my life because I chose to drink instead of living it. I took antidepressants for a while, I didn’t like what they were doing and was afraid of the long term effects after researching them. Now I use natural supplements and they work most of the time, lately not so much.

It’s difficult. Especially now in a new environment. It’s baffling to me how the weather makes such a difference in my mood. It always has though. Today the sun is out and I feel pretty good. This week it snowed then turning into rain most of the week and it’s cold and I’ve been bitter. I just want to lay on the couch and think about all the things I don’t have. I don’t want to do any of the things that will make me feel better about myself. I think about the past and all the things I have done that are mistakes and why did I move? Every freaking day a battle in my brain. It’s tiring and I don’t like it.

But – Today I feel better and the sun is out for now. I have a job, a place to live, food in my fridge, a positive bank account, a kick-ass man who is also my bff, a heater, a yard that I can grown shit in once it stops freezing, amazing friends and family, cannabis and all the little things I have held on to that make me feel good. Oh, I’m healthy! Another really positive thing is I could keep writing about all the things I have gratitude for today so that’s a really good thing!

Is it worry or caring?

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Ugh. One thing I do often is worry. I worry about bothering someone who I don’t even know. We are living in a homtel for the month. It’s like a hotel with apartment prices. I haven’t been sleeping well so I wake up early. Quiet time in this place is from 9 am – 9 pm. I blend my coffee in the morning and worry about if I am bothering the people next door. I’ve changed up my entire morning routine because of this. Should I really care so much?

Working in the Cannabis Industry is interesting.

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I thought everyone (as in customers) would be so mellow and then I remember that if it’s too good to be true it usually is.  Sometimes I feel like I work at a 7-11 for weed.  It’s not like that all the time but I’d say about 1/2 the time it is.  Dispensaries are new and most of the management and staff are fairly young.  The one I work for is open 7 days a week, we’re open from around 7 till midnight and my schedule is different every day of every week.  The last job I had I worked from home.  The one before that I worked M-F, 8:30-5. I knew my schedule weeks beforehand because it was the same every day unless something else had been planned, days or weeks in advance.  At my current job, I get my work schedule the day before the week starts.  So the work week starts Sunday, I get the work schedule after 12 pm on Saturday.  It is a source of major frustration for me. So each week I have no idea what the next week is.  I feel like I am on call because it’s not the same each week. At least for me. For other people it is.  I have put my request in for what I would like and was told it would be accommodated as best as they could.  One guy has weekends off! He’s the only one and hasn’t been there as long as me.  It’s starting to affect my health.  I don’t have a routine. I can’t get on a regular sleep schedule.  I don’t want to be a bummer because I am always bitching. I just drained myself of writing any more about it for now.